Life is Full of Surprises

As part of my participation in the WOW Blog Tour for The Purpose of Getting Lost by Tracy Smith I'm posting about something I learned about myself later in life that surprised me. Scroll down for more information about the book.

Being a Part-Time Social Butterfly

Growing up, the word introvert wasn't a part of my lexicon. I was shy. People told me that all the time and I embraced it. That explained everything. Why I went to parties (often after much coaxing by friends) and sat in the corner. Why a person who could jabber on about any number of things in the safety of close friends was rendered mute at the thought of joining a conversation already in progress. Happy hours and mingling were my biggest nightmares.

I could never understand why it seemed so easy for the people in my life to jump into conversations, organizations, friendships when it felt so agonizing for me. Social events exhausted me. Was I talking too much? Not enough? Butting in unwelcome in to a conversation? I always felt like I wasn't doing it right. I wasn't even sure what "it" was -- belonging?

Now that I'm on the other side of 50, I am surprisingly OK with not being a social butterfly. I am still the quiet one, as I always was but I feel less...wrong. It's OK for me to spend a lot of time in my own head. The surprising part is, that when I do feel moved to jump into a conversation people don't seem annoyed (always my secret fear). Instead they seem happily surprised, as if they are getting a peek at something they rarely see. I imagine my talkative days as snowy days in Florida. Unexpected but not unwelcome and leaving people thinking, "Well, that was something different."

More often I am moved to tell a funny anecdote or share some fun trivia. I can be funny. Who knew? I'm not sure why I finally discovered the willingness to put myself out there. Maybe it's because I finally let go of that inner pressure to be a sociable person. Expecting less of myself socially has actually made me more outgoing. I still have my days when I figuratively "sit in the corner" but I'm OK with that. I can't be the talkative, engaging person I once imagined everyone should be. Instead I'm me. Sometimes talkative, sometimes quiet. I've embraced that it's perfectly fine to be a part-time social butterfly.

****

You can read my review of the The Purpose of Getting Lost HERE and read a great author interview on the Muffin HERE. The Purpose of Getting Lost is a reflective memoir about identity, belonging, and the courage to question the life you’ve carefully built. As Tracy Smith enters midlife—navigating the end of a long marriage, children growing up, and a growing sense of disconnection—she realizes she has spent years performing for expectations rather than listening to herself.

Through solo travel across more than thirty countries, Tracy doesn’t search for reinvention or escape, but for clarity. In unfamiliar places and quiet moments in between, she begins to notice her patterns, longings, and the stories she’s lived by—some worth keeping, others ready to be released.

Told with honesty, warmth, and insight, The Purpose of Getting Lost explores what it means to stop waiting to belong and start building a sense of home from the inside out. It’s a book for anyone who has ever felt out of place, questioned who they are becoming, or sensed that getting lost might be an essential part of finding their way.